Coffee and Conviction

“Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2:11‬ ‭

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Have you ever had that feeling when did something wrong and you felt guilty about it afterward? Have you ever been about to do something and felt an urge to stop? Or even had someone call you out at something and you felt a way about it because you know they were right? I know the feeling well. That intuition that tells you something isn’t right, but sometimes we continue to follow it even though we know we shouldn’t. For me those situations never worked out. Typically it was me meeting a guy on Tinder, going out with him and getting a feeling that he just wasn’t it. But instead of just letting it go I would let loneliness and the desire for attention ( let’s be honest so may us are looking for this) and companionship get the best of me. And low and behold it would typically end up in a “let’s just have good time, no stings attached”, ghost you until random days when I’ve got nothing better to do, or relapsed so I’m going to pretend I want to come back to you to get money from you situations (this really happened and I fell for it- twice 🤦🏽‍♀). I will tell you first hand there is nothing like feeling like being taken advantage of and kicked to the curb when you’ve got nothing left to give. When the whole thing was done I would tell myself I knew I had a bad feeling about him. Shortly after I would hope back on Tinder ready to get back out there and find someone better and the whole cycle would start over again. The funny thing is I knew the whole time that none of those guys were right for me (until the one that was, but that’s another story), but I just stuffed that feeling in the back of my head until they proved it was right. This is what I’ve learned that the guidance of the Holy Spirit feels like. People always talk about hearing God speak to them and it’s frustrating when you don’t get that sign from heaven or the dream telling you exactly what to do (although these things can happen). Sometimes His voice is more subtle than that and sometimes we are so set on doing our own thing it can be easy to push Him away and ignore that feeling. Sometimes the farther we push Him away the easier it is to ignore and the less we feel that gut feeling. Here’s the good news though.

Listening to that intuition or the little voice in the back of your head can help guide you to Him. Walking with Him is about more than going to church, reading the Bible, and doing good deeds. It’s taking the time to spend with Him and build a relationship with Him. The deeper it gets the more you have a desire to submerge yourself in all the way. The deeper into this relationship I’ve gotten the more in tune I’ve gotten to listen to that intuition.

I’ve started feeling that conviction when I listen to certain music that I know doesn’t please Him and doesn’t not carry a message to guide the road I’m on. I have even started to think about someone and judge them for what they may be doing and I’ve been caught mid though and said to myself “no that isn’t right”. The Spirit isn’t there just to make us feel guilty thought.

The Holy Spirit helps us to gain clarity, by blocking out all the noise and junk in the world so we can hear Him clearly. And the clearer we hear Him the more we can start feeling when he is pulling us to do His work.

About a week ago I ended up at Starbucks at 8 o’clock at night. A met a man who was sitting outside with two dogs, I’m a huge dog person so I was immediately drawn to him. I began to speak with him and learned that he and his family were homeless, I ended the conversation and told him "God bless you and I’ll be praying for you" and proceeded inside to order my coffee. I ordered my coffee and made a quick trip to bathroom while I waited for my coffee. In the bathroom of Starbucks felt the strongest pull I have ever felt. I literally said out loud to myself ”I cannot do this”. I picked up my coffee and spoke with the man again. I asked him and his family if they had somewhere to stay that night they answered, “No”. At that moment I called my boyfriend (who was sitting in his truck minding his business, just waiting for his cake pop) and had him come inside. From there I jumped into action and made arrangements to do what I could for that family that night. I came to realize that throughout the day a whole series of events, canceled plans, and pure exhaustion brought me to that Starbucks.

As I thought about how this happened I was literally in shock at how in that moment I was right where I was supposed to be. Right where God intended me to be. How many times have I felt like that? Not enough let me tell you that. The pure joy and awe that that moment brought me was unexpected and unexplainable.

I kept telling Kyle, my boyfriend, “I know you think I’m crazy right now”. I literally had no words to explain what had happened in the bathroom at Starbucks. I told him not to share that experience with anyone because I didn’t want the praise, the praise and that blessing was all His. He worked through me, a mess of a girl who is chronically exhausted and just needed a cup of coffee. All I had to do was listen and let His Spit it guide me and He did the rest. Since then I’m diving deeper than ever before. Giving it all to Him because that is only a small fraction of what he can do. I’m ready to watch Him move mountains.